Switch-bored? Never! The good, bad and ugly of listener calls

Former 2GB receptionist Heather Storrar will never forget the day a lady with two huge Great Danes walked through the door.

“She seemed a happy, spiritual, ‘save the world’ sort of person,” Heather tells Radio Today “But she wasn’t going to leave until she saw Derryn Hinch, who was in the studio on the floor above.”

“Apparently she’d taken issue with something said on air.  She put the two dogs in front of the lifts and lay on the floor. Nobody could get in or out.”

Heather rang management to make them aware of the situation.

“I said ‘Come down the fire stairs. Don’t come down in the lift!’”

Heather says the woman started singing softly.

“We finally got her to go with the promise that Derryn would be in contact.”

Heather remembers another woman – probably in her late eighties and resplendent in red lippy and costume jewellery – coming in.

“She said ‘I went over Niagara Falls in a barrel and I’m still alive. Nobody will believe me.’”

Further investigations turned up an old newspaper clipping, showing she did indeed do what she had claimed.

Radio stations deal daily with listeners making their feelings and presence known, either by phone, or rocking up in person.

People who ring radio stations can be colourful … or absolutely horrible.

That’s Nicky Elliott’s summation of what it’s like to be on the  other end of the phone when listeners call in, often riled and ready to let rip on air.

Nicky – a producer at 2GB in the nineties – was usually scrambling to tee up interviews during her shift. But she also pitched in to help with answering calls.

She tells Radio Today “I learned to hold the receiver at arm’s length whenever the first word to come out of their mouths was ‘LOOK!’ because whatever followed was going to be loud and it wasn’t going to be pretty.”

“Other callers would refuse to go on air themselves, but would demand you pass on their opinions.”

Nicky says that picking up the phone basically means you become the accused.

Case in point:

‘Hello, 2GB. Hinch program.’

‘I want to speak to Derryn.’

‘I’m sorry, we come off air in five minutes and there are three callers ahead of you. We won’t be able to get you on but you’re welcome to call this afternoon or try again tomorrow.’

‘YOU’RE JUST SCARED OF THE TRUTH!’

Or when there’s a competition:

‘Hello, 2GB. We already have our winner, thank you.’

‘I know what you’re up to! You’re taking all the prizes and giving them to your friends! I’M GOING TO CALL THE MANAGER!’

Nicky says working on The Garden Clinic with Graham and Sandra Ross was a fun experience.

“The older ladies who called up on a weekend morning for gardening advice actually had flower names. Rose, Daisy, Iris, Hyacinth and Violet.”

But no amount of prep was enough for some callers.

“We’d ask their name and topic, and where they were from. We’d ask them to turn off their radio, and tell them where they were in the queue, and keep on coming to them. ‘OK Doreen, you’ll be next after this caller.’ The presenter says – ‘Now, we’ve got Doreen from Padstow who wants to talk about immigration. Hello Doreen … Hello Doreen … Doreen?’  Doreen, of course, would be in the other room, trying to listen to herself on the wireless.”

Nicky recalls making a special connection during her brief time as a presenter on 2SM:

“No matter which competition we were running, or what the question was, a lovely lady called Shirley from Ashfield would call up excitedly and always guess the same answer – “Is it John Farnham?”

“I grew so fond of Shirley that I invited her into the studio one night. She turned up shiny eyed with excitement, with a friend in tow, dressed up like she was headed for the opera, in a long frock and pearls, and she gifted me a bottle of non-alcoholic spumante.”

Others weren’t so likeable.

“A guy called up on the switchboard one night and asked me on a date. I politely explained that I was flattered but I had a personal rule not to date listeners.”

“He blew his stack. ‘I didn’t ask you to f***ing MARRY ME!!!’”

One of Nicky’s favourite calls came when a mother and baby humpback whale were spotted frolicking in Sydney Harbour.

“Big crowds were turning out to see the whales, dubbed Glennis and Dennis. A caller rang up to ask if we knew where the whales were. I gave her their location, and then came the next question: ‘And what time will they be there until?’”

“Midnight to dawn was a curious dynamic. The chap calling to ask whether he should take his fridge camping and the young bloke insisting the government was using his personal computer network for all its secrets, as nobody would suspect he’d be carrying them.”

“One lady called to demand we send a reporter around because some neighbours were having a loud party.”

“At other times of day we’d take calls from distressed listeners who needed an ambulance, and yes, I did call Triple 0 on behalf of one woman who couldn’t move and was in a panic, and emergency services wouldn’t take her call seriously as she was already booked in for medical transport later that day.”

“It really had been an emergency and on my last ever day as a producer, the same woman called back and went on air to say thank you, which was pretty special.”

Richard Sleeman was a broadcaster on 2GB, 2UE and 2KY and producer for John Laws, Derryn Hinch and John Stanley, among others.

He tells Radio Today “It always amused me when pollies called in to defend themselves against something said on air.”

Also amusing was the person who called the Laws program, asking what time the midday news was on.

Richard says there were a lot of pretenders, too.

“An Arnie Schwarzenegger impersonator wanted to go on air with John Stanley on 2UE to say he was listening online from California and loved the show.”

“I stopped answering caller queries after a bloke said ‘I’m in the pub with my mate. We’ve had a 50 buck bet. Who did Cassius Clay knock out to win the world title the first time?’”

“I told him ‘Sonny Liston.’ I heard him over the pub noise telling his mate: ‘Floyd Patterson. Thanks, my friend. The radio guy confirmed it. Patterson. Not Liston. You owe me 50.’”