Have you ever just wanted to bang your head up against the wall to make your thoughts stop? My brain just won’t ever switch off.
There is a voice in my head that just won’t shut up. I call her ‘Roxy’.
You’re probably thinking that I’m super crazy right now.
Well, I’m not. I can almost guarantee we all have this voice, I’ve just chosen to name mine.
‘Roxy’ is negative, needy and worst of all she has no confidence. She continually doubts herself and almost always sees the bad before the good in every situation.
I picture her to be this mini Heidi, jumping around in my head, screaming at the top of her lungs. She is always the first to stamp her feet and is always the loudest.
It’s as if she is paid on her shock value, she says some of the most offensive things.
These taunts and statements are constant and I hear them on a daily basis:
— “You’re so fat in that dress, people will be horrified if you wear that tonight. Take it off you fatty.”
— “Oh I can’t believe you said that on the radio, people must think you’re so dumb.”
— “As if Griffo your boyfriend will stick around, he’ll eventually leave you. You’re so not good enough for him.”
Just putting these thoughts in black and white have really hit home. It brings tears to my eyes thinking that I speak to myself like that.
I guess that’s why I’ve given her a name, so it takes away the edge and reality of it.
My friend Tracey Spencer is a life coach and she is about to launch a program called “Head to Heart” and it’s all about getting out of your head.
I sat down with her last week to chat about ‘Roxy’. I was surprised to learn that we actually in fact have two voices in our heads.
“We all have a voice that’s driven by fear, also known as our ego (the negative voice), and then a voice driven by love, known as our heart’s voice or higher self,” Ms Spencer said.
Heidi Anderson: How do we tell the difference between the two?
Tracey Spencer: The easiest way to tell the difference in these voices is by how they are making you feel.
Your fear (ego) or as you refer to her, ‘Roxy’, always speaks first and is the loudest, so it’s quick to jump on judgment, blame, overwhelm and attack. When this voice is taking charge of your mind you can feel yourself getting frantic, frustrated, pissed off and powerless.
On the other hand, the voice of your heart and higher self, which we always have access to no matter how loud your mind’s craziness is cranking, makes you feel inspired, compassionate, at peace and also empowers you to be your true self.
HA: How do we get the negative voice to stop?
TS: Here’s the thing, the negative voice in your head will always be there, BUT you have the power to rise above it and choose again.
You can start turning down these negative thoughts through your commitment to choosing more empowering ones, and through cranking up the volume of your heart’s voice.
You either buy into its negative stories, or you laugh at its craziness and choose a better thought. It takes practice and gets easier!
HA: Why is the negative nelly the loudest?
TS: Your negative inner voice (ego) is on a mission to keep you in fear and away from your true potential, that’s its party trick!
Now you know its underlying motive — you can identify every single time it speaks, exactly how it’s distracting you from being happy now.
HA: How did you get out of your head and start listening to your heart?
TS: The first step for me was getting real with this voice in my head and questioning the stories it was telling me. “You can’t do that. You’re not pretty enough to be successful. You’re not worthy. You suck. You will never be like them” — I knew I was having these thoughts, but I didn’t know that it was OK for me to not believe them.
I just assumed they were right and that something was wrong with me, because no one else seemed to be having this daily internal battle with their own mind; everyone else seemed fine!!
Through getting brutally honest with myself on how I was playing a victim, judging others and myself, comparing, controlling and people pleasing to be liked — I could then start to take responsibility for my own life.
You can’t make positive changes in your life until you get honest with the things that aren’t making you feel good anymore — including the negative thoughts you keep having!
HA: Why is it that women are generally more stuck in their heads then men?
TS: I think the main reason is that we try to be everything to everyone, and we want to seem like we have it all together from the outside, even when we are actually really struggling.
We don’t speak up about it because we don’t want to be judged, when really we are the only ones judging ourselves.
I think we are constantly overwhelmed, by trying to please everyone else.
The underlying story to all of the above is that we don’t believe we are good enough as we are — and we keep fuelling this story in our head by seeking approval and validation from others. That is what creates the frustration, the attack and the overwhelming feeling — that constant need to feel enough and accepted.
HA: How did the idea of this course come about?
TS: Because I know what it feels like to be stuck thinking you are the only one with this crazy inner voice, and believing that something is wrong with you because everyone else seems fine!
You don’t understand why all of a sudden you’ve lost your confidence, and your clarity goes, and you start having negative thoughts out of nowhere that keep bogging you down — it can feel really lonely and can make you judge yourself even more!
Too many people are stuck living up in their heads with all this chaos that we have become so disconnected from who we really are, from our relationships, what our heart really wants and from just being happy right now!
Imagine if all that chaos and confusion was gone and you could just be free to be you!
Heidi Anderson, one third of hit92.9 Perth’s Heidi, Will and Woody. This story orginal appeared in PerthNow.com.au. Thanks to Heidi for allowing us to republish.