Another Day, Another Apology (re: My Prediction About 2Day FM beating 2CH)

Radio Consultancy
Scott “Can’t Bat, Can’t Bowl, Can’t Predict the Radio Ratings” Muller gets it wrong again – this time: the clash of the titans between 2Day FM and 2CH

Previously on RadioToday I apologized for the prediction I made back in June 2012 when I said Smooth would be #1 FM in Sydney within three years. I got it wrong by two months.  Sorry.

Then Matt responded with this comment: “That’s pretty ****ing accurate!  Can I have next week’s Lotto numbers?”  First, thanks for your comment, Matt.  Second: 6, 9, 14, 15, 32, 36, and for the seventh number just pick whatever springs to mind, Matt.  Because if you win anything with those numbers, Matt, it will be spooky if it is anything better than Division 3.

Third: the brutal truth is this, Matt – not only was I wrong about Smooth, I was also wrong when I predicted that in survey five 2Day would beat 2CH.

Much to my embarrassment the survey five result was a dead heat.  Although, after eight surveys of nipping at the heels of 2CH in the Sydney radio ratings, 2Day did climb a little.  But only enough to draw level with 2CH on 4.4%.

Annoying, Matt – and here’s why…

2CH’s legendary Gareth McCray OAM – half-man, half-Schwarzenegger, 100% tinderlicious.  Just swipe right

Look, Matt, I’m no hater of 2CH’s breakfast legend, the self-styled Gareth “The 2Day-minator” McCray.  I don’t think you are, either, Matt.  I don’t think any of us are, deep down inside.

Sure, calling himself “The 2Day-minator” is a bit odd – as is wearing the costume to work – but other than that McCray seems like a nice enough guy … to his listeners, at least.  He hasn’t put even one of them on a lie detector or had them probed by aliens or anything like that.

Gareth “The 2Day-minator” McCray has led Team 2CH to eight straight wins and a draw against arch-rival 2Day FM – despite refusing to make listeners undergo a lie detector test or get probed by aliens

But, Matt, I think you’ll agree we’re all absolutely sick of McCray and his 2CH cronies swaggering about at industry functions in their “Renegade Team 2CH” embroidered leather jackets like they’re kind of a big deal and their studio smells of rich mahogany and they have the god given right to hog all the canapés.

Ratings success has done the devil’s work, Matt.  Renegade Team 2CH has become nothing more than a wild bunch of swashbuckling pirate broadcasters hell bent on corrupting our pensioners by playing non-stop fodder for the Nannapalooza crowd – a team of legendary radio DJs now turned rogue and wearing fake tattoos and eye-patches and styling themselves as a kind of radio version of The Expendables.  And flagrantly pandering to their aging listeners’ most hedonistic and primal desires by giving them chances to win tickets to South-by-South-NapTime.

Though I know what you’re thinking, Matt – and maybe you’re right.  Maybe we should all get off our high horses and cut Renegade Team 2CH a little slack.

Sure, all that ratings glory has gone to their heads.  But after beating their arch-rivals at 2Day for so many surveys in-a-row, it’s not unusual to get a bit arrogant, a bit over-confident, a bit complacent.  And, yes, maybe Gareth “The 2Day-minator” McCray did get a bit over-enthusiastic about dressing up and getting around in Comic-Con-style cosplay and saying “come with me if you want to live” to the people who restock the station vending machines.

This is radio, Matt.  That kind of behavior is (kind of) normal.

But that hubris never lasts, Matt.  Eventually the bubble always bursts, Matt.  The sex, the drugs, the Carpenters – they all take their toll, Matt.

A message to the 24 Hour Party People at Renegade Team 2CH: Enough is Enough! You should be thinking more about core artists like Air Supply and less about your Viagra supply

Meanwhile, 2Day is hungry for victory against 2CH.  And you have to remember this, Matt – 2Day FM is like an orphaned puppy that was dumped in the bush when the kids got bored with it.

Well, Matt.  I’m here to tell you…

That puppy is back.

And it is feral.

And it is hungry.

And it is probably not toilet-trained.

2Day FM is not just for Christmas

So, I’m sorry, Matt, but I’m going to have to come right out and say it.  In stark contrast to the prevailing so-called wisdom in the rest of the media industry, I’m still backing 2Day all the way in this fierce ratings clash of the titans between the hunger-fueled underdogs at 2Day FM as they go up against the mighty Viagra-fueled Renegade Team 2CH.

In fact, I’m going to be so bold as to say that 2Day’s Tarantino-style adrenalin injection to the heart – straight from the Hamish & Andy emergency ratings syringe – may even give them a performance enhancing chance at outgunning Renegade Team 2CH and their uncontrollable erections as early as survey six.

And then, Matt, we’ll all be calling Hamish and Andy “T2: The McCray-minators”.

So there you have it.  Survey 6 2015: 2Day beats 2CH*.  You heard it here first, young Matt.  And good luck with next week’s Lotto draw.

* In fact, I’m so confident in my unwavering support of 2Day in this epic battle between these two bitter arch-rivals that I’ll say this: if 2Day don’t beat 2CH on the 10+ share by at least survey six seven eight 2015, I’ll eat an official “2CH Rocks My Afternoon Nap” doily.

How do like that prediction, McCray, huh?  Game on!

Scott Muller is a Director of Radio Today.  Previously he oversaw programming across the UK’s leading radio network, turned around the ratings fortunes of Capital Radio London, created the award-winning Lights Out London spectacular, four calling birds, three French hens, led Nova FM to #1 in Sydney, and worked with Martin/Molloy on their ARIA-winning Brown Album.  He is Director of MBOS Consulting, and can be contacted  here

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